Ganglion Cyst

Well, on top of all of the problems I already have I know have an extra little one that isn't harmful; a ganglion cyst.

It actually started to grow and I got a little worried.  My physical therapy doctors say it's not harmful and they do massages with my wrist and fingers so I get some kind of movement.  Ganglion cysts from my research I've done online can appear in a few different places and mine actually appears on my wrist.

When I first saw it, it was while driving and I thought hey I have an extra bone.  Then I got a little worried that it might be a tumor.  Well turns out it's just a cyst.

It has grown since so I did some research and asked my doctors they said if I want to start running tests I can and they can drain it or operate.  I think I'm just going to wait a little and see if it goes away on it's own.  I think it's kind of cool too, it's an extra little growth haha.  I find medical stuff interesting.  If the operate I wish I could be awake for it to see how they do it but I'd rather not feel the pain of doctors digging in my wrist.

Hiatus

Wow, I haven’t written in here in almost a month.  I’ve been so busy and I’ve taken up a few hobbies so life has been hectic. 

I’m still in physical therapy which is a bummer, because I don’t feel my body getting any better, it still feels the same way it did before, I still have my good and bad days.  I’ll give it a few more months and see what happens.  Also, no seizures or any mishaps with my epilepsy, except trying to get my medication and dealing with insurance companies as usual (and successfully getting what I wanted!).

Life in the office has been crazy too.  Lots of different things going on and I’ve been so stressed that my sparkle has dulled.  However, I’m still trying to make sure I’m bubbly and trying to stay positive.

So the hobbies I’ve taken up are EXTREMELY girly haha.  I started re-posting in my fashion blogs.  I went on a 2.5 year hiatus and decided that I wanted to start posting again, just for fun, plus it’s a passion of mine.  I also started to get into nail art.  I’ve been reading so many tutorials online and have been testing them out on myself.  So far I would say I’ve been pretty successful.

Now lastly since I’ve been so keen on donating and volunteering and helping out as much as I can I decided to volunteer for a local animal rescue & shelter.  After trying to find homes for stray cats that are wandering around my house, and was not successful I started to go to animal shelters.  Well apparently stray cats are not the strays we all think of.  These cats are feral cats, me not knowing ANYTHING about cats I didn’t know the difference.  Even though they have become domesticated and they even eat from my hand they are considered feral.  Well NO shelters within a 100 mile radius (at least that’s where I had to have the Humane Society step in) would take the cats, even the two kittens would not be allowed in the shelter. 

I started to get worried that I was going to have to bring them to the town animal control/pound because we all know what happens when they go there.  I actually started to cry and someone told me why don’t you call the Humane Society.  So I did, and was not successful with the organizations they gave me at first so I called a second time.  The second time I was successful.  They gave me the phone number of a shelter that is actually 10 minutes away from my house that rescues feral animals as well, not just “strays.”  Well after all of their help I decided even though I’m allergic to cats and not dogs I want to help.  I will help even the cats (just take some Benadryl first) and volunteer.  I submitted my application on Monday and am currently waiting for a call back (they say it takes about a week to two weeks for them to review it).  So I’m crossing my fingers because I want to do as much good as I can.

Also I’m walking in a cancer walk in memory of my friend’s mom who passed away from cancer in September.  So I would say I’m on the right track!

Stressed again.

Well I haven’t really written in here in a few days.  I feel like no one is reading this anyway.  I did want to mention how super stressful I’ve been lately.  I know I already talked about it last week but I found out some more bad news and I’ve been stressed ever since.  I hate being stressed because I’m always worried I’m going to end up having a seizure or something.

This week has been a little easier at work however it’s been a little difficult in my personal life.  I wish I could be five again where there was not a care in the world. 

I might sound kind of depressing but truth is my previous doctor wanted to put me on anti depressants because he wanted to diagnose me with depression, but I didn’t want more medication so I refused to take it.  I think I’m fine, I only ever get upset every once in a while.  Kind of trying the whole mind over body but really mind over mind/brain.  I’m not sure if that makes ANY sense haha.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a great week.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to the greatest dad a girl could possibly have.  Even though I am my dad's height in heels I was always carry the title of "Daddy's Little Girl."  He came to the United States at 25 (same age I am now) to start a new and better life for him and his wife and in the future for his children.  My mom followed him shortly after because it took her forever to get her Visa to leave Poland so her and my dad actually had to get married 3 times in order to prove that they are actually married.  Well 30 years later they are still happily married and have two kids, myself and my brother.
When my dad came here he didn't know English so he started to teach himself.  He read many books and even though he could only speak a few sentences he tried looking for jobs, even if they were dead end ones just to be able to put food on the table.  Well my dad's first job here in the states was working at a gas station for very little money, but he did it. 

After that my dad knew enough English to get a college degree since the one he had from Poland didn't count for anything.  He managed to get his degree and landed a really good job working in his field; computer graphics.  He slowly worked his way to the top and now all those Lancome advertisements you see, yup my dad has worked on those :)

I'm very proud to call him my daddy aka Tatusiu, he has worked so hard for so many years and I hope one day I can give back to him as much as he gave to me.  When my grandfather passed away (his dad), he made a few major promises to me and my dad fulfilled them for him in his absence.  I will never forget all of the sacrifices both him and my mom made for me and well I guess my brother too hehe.

I hope you have a good Father's Day daddy, Wszystkiego Najlepszego z okazji Dzien Taty!!

Love always,
Misia

Stress Free? Maybe one day.

As some of you know my epilepsy is caused by a few different things but one being stress.  Good news is I didn’t have any problems, not even twitches this week and I think it’s been the most stressful week since I was getting all of my EEG tests back in January/February.  However I’m glad I handled everything the way I did.  Don’t get me wrong I’m exhausted but at least like I just won a small battle.

The whole time all of this was happening I kept thinking in my head “don’t worry, be happy.”  I love that song, the Bob Marley version is my favorite I think.  Apparently that was the first song I ever danced to (on all fours in a diaper with my butt kind of shaking) when I was younger.  So I guess I’ll leave everyone with Don’t worry Be happy!

Rest Easy

I just realized I haven’t written in here for about a week.  I’ve been so busy and exhausted.  The weekend was also pretty busy.  I was my mom’s chauffeur haha.  I really had no choice because over the weekend my dad noticed a bubble in my tire, meaning I had no car to drive.  However, I do get a really nice courtesy car until my car is fixed!

So I got my MRI results back for my knee.  I don’t know if I wrote about how I was getting an MRI.  Well, no surgery is required (yippeeeee) but I do have to go to physical therapy.  I have some muscular syndrome (it starts with a c and it’s really long) that is causing my muscles to play tug of war and in doing this they are playing tug of war with my knee cap so it lifts from side to side.  Then there’s some damaged cartilage that can be strengthened.  Apparently it is very common in athletes (which I was super athletic growing up) because they don’t stretch correctly or when they train/work out they don’t work all the muscles they are supposed to.  So one side of my knee is tough and the other side is so weak that my knee cap has actually shifted to that side.  Apparently the same thing is happening with the other knee too but there’s no damaged cartilage making it super painful.

Oh and I have a gaglian cyst on my wrist.  I’m just falling apart.  The doctor said it seems benign for now but to keep an eye on it because if it starts to hurt or impair the usage of my wrist then I need to get it drained/removed.  It hurts a little but not enough to impair any type of movement.

Either way for now I’m somewhat healthy and that’s all that matters really.  Happy Monday everyone!

Sunshine

Last week I was called a bottle of sunshine by one of my co-workers and one of my managers.  I feel as though at my job I am finally appreciated and recognized for the work and positive attitude I put in.  In past jobs, I was never recognized for anything that I did that I finally just didn’t care anymore and stopped going above and beyond unless if it would help a customer.  This brought me down not only at work, but also in life in general.  I started to think, am I really that bad of a person?  Do I really not do enough?  So I started being somewhat mopey for a while.  Kind of like eeyore!

I think the negative energy traveled from work into my personal life and that was not healthy whatsoever.  That’s why with my job now I have decided anything bad that happens will not come home with me and the next day I will start all over again.

Anyway, I was called a bottle of sunshine not only by people in my department, but one of the other departments as well, all because I say Good Morning.  I’m trying to have a new take on life in general.  When it comes to work, I will work as hard as I possibly can.  After work is when I have my life.  I will not let anything negative spill over to my personal life, as well as no personal things coming to the workplace.  I think that’s why I’m so positive because I block out certain things and I let a lot of things go.  Which can also be bad because I can easily get taken advantage of.  However, I feel that I’d rather be this way than what I was before.  It’s really not that hard to be happy, at least for me.  I have a loving and supportive family, a dog who loves me unconditionally, a job, and just enough friends.

I know there are people out there who have it much worse than I do, therefore I have no reason to be negative.  Sure I could be negative living with epilepsy and having to be technically somewhat disabled for the rest of my life, but I’m very positive.  Maybe it’s just my personality but being a bottle of sunshine makes for such a better life!

Sad news...

So today I found out some upsetting news.  Someone that I work with is leaving.  After I found out this news, obviously I was upset.  I then started thinking about how you meet people and they come in and out of your life for a reason.  People are in your life to teach you lessons and you are there for the same reason.

What lesson did I learn from this person?  Hmm, that’s a good question because there are so many different things.  First and foremost to be more genuine and more relaxed with certain parts of my life.  They also showed me that there is more than meets the eye.  When I actually talked to my coworker and found out what had happened we got to talking not only about work but life in general.  It’s nice to find out how someone really is outside of work.  You work with people every day but don’t actually know them until you sit down and talk.  Everyone is fighting a battle that you know nothing about and I think sometimes we forget this.

I think that people get so wrapped up in their lives, problems, issues, situations, etc that they don’t stop to think that the person you see more than your own family and probably even spend more time with may not be the same person outside of work.  This person is great all around and I will truly miss them.  Once we got to talking I saw that we almost have the same plans for our futures and hope to succeed.  Even though now certain future plans seem unreasonable and unattainable I know if I put my mind to it I will be able to do it.

I hope I keep in touch with this coworker and they will be greatly missed, and I’ll probably cry when they actually leave.  I’m just an emotional person though. 

Sometimes in life we tend to forget about certain things, whether its emotions, or just simply thinking about other people.  I feel as though people get some wrapped up in themselves (not necessarily selfish) that they don’t stop to reach out to others.  I’m guilty of getting wrapped up with my life and my epilepsy and making sure that I am healthy.  I’m not going to lie sometimes I think I have it worse than others when I really don’t.  Sometimes I do envy the people who don’t have to live with this condition.  So maybe ask how someone’s day is going so far or how it was.  You might be able to create a new relationship with a few simple words.

Any thoughts?

So I haven’t written in here in a few days.  I’ve been busy and also I wasn’t sure if anyone was even still reading this.  I wanted to take the time and talk about passion or hobbies.  What does everyone do that keeps them happy?  I have a few different things that I do for fun just because if I didn’t I wouldn’t have those little things that keep me going.  

The little things that focus my attention on other things is what gets me through the day.  I think if my brain and I were alone we would have some serious issues haha.  Anyways, I like to obviously upload in this blog but I have a few other blogs, mostly fashion that I like to post in too.  It makes me happy and it’s something I’m passionate about.  I know to some people it’s just clothes and why would you spend money on five million pairs of shoes, but to others (like myself) think of it as an art.  The quality of the way things are stitched or made, or quality of the textiles themselves, just makes me interested in clothing.  

I know that’s a pretty general hobby but what do all of my readers do for fun?  What are you passionate about?

Physical Therapy Part II

Yesterday at PT you have to fill out a bunch of forms just like any doctors/hospitals visit.  I didn’t realize how intense Epilepsy is looked upon until yesterday.  When I was filling out all the forms it asks you to check off health conditions, epilepsy being one of them.  When I was put in the room with the doctor’s then placed with a therapist as soon as they read about the epilepsy their faces were surprised and alarmed.  

The question they asked is, is it well controlled?  I guess they have to ask because you’re around a lot of equipment and what not so just in case.  I always wonder what they mean by well controlled, and what would happen if I were to say no it’s not?  I guess these should be questions I ask the doctor but it just makes me wonder.

Well there is a lovely picture of this new trend I’m setting haha, I’m just kidding.  That’s the tape I have to keep on until I go back to physical therapy again.  It’s somehow supposed to support my knee and what not, we will see how it goes.  For now, I’m in pain and sore and hoping that it is a good sore not a bad one.

Continuing my education.

So as you all know I was diagnosed senior year of high school and almost didn’t start my freshman year of College.  Well I’ve worked all the way through and getting my MBA in January of 2012.  I have decided that going back to school for my PhD is now feasible.  I think this is the perfect time to at least start researching. 

After seeing all of these people posting about how they graduated it made me want to go back to school even more.  Just to be able to graduate AGAIN haha, no I’m just kidding although that’s a perk.  I have the discipline for school and I enjoy learning and I actually like the classroom setup.  Funny thing is, I used to hate school but now I don’t mind it.

One thing I don’t like are exams because that involves lots of studying but it’s ok, I think once I get more used to work and have a set schedule with everything else in my life I’ll be able to finally start school again.

Wish me luck on my research!

Medication in your system and I need help answering a question!

Well, today I woke up with a massive stomach ache and was not able to move.  I was a little worried because I felt like I was going to throw up and I can’t throw up my medication.  I had that sweaty hot then chills feeling you get when you’re about to get sick.  Somehow I calmed myself down enough to be able to focus and get ready for work. 

Needless to say I was on the safe side.  The doctors tell me I need at least 2 hours after swallowing my medication for it to dissolve and spread out into wherever it needs to go, I threw up as soon as I got to work after my 1.5 hour drive (traffic).  So at least I was on the safe side with that.  I always get so stressed when it comes to that because I can’t take it a second time so I have to be cautious on what I do in case my body goes into a seizure because there’s no medication. 

I also wanted to ask a question.  Does anyone know if there are any Epilepsy Walks in NYC?  I see it for Washington DC but I’m kind of far from there and I really want to walk and would rather do it in NYC but if need be I’ll go to Washington DC.  If anyone has any information please let me know!  Thanks!

Physical Therapy

So today was the day I went for a consultation for Physical Therapy.  I needed to go for two reasons, one being my knee, and the other being my back.  I actually just finished paying off the medical bill for my knee, but that’s another story in itself.

To start off my knee was injured back in 2011.  I believe it’s due to the fact that I was born pigeon toed and I always had bad knees.  Well unfortunately I was at job #1 and I was working in retail, I picked up a box of shipment and when I turned I immediately felt a sharp pain and dropped the box.  It hurt and I started to limp but I thought its ok I probably just popped it out again.  I went to job #2 that night and after about 2 hours of standing I had to sit down.  My knee had felt as if it had exploded or something.  When I sat down I put my knee up and one of my co-workers immediately brought me a bag of ice, I had no idea why until I looked at my knee.  It was swollen up to double its size.

That is when I started to worry.  I obviously went home after I saw that and the problem was it was my left knee and I drove a manual at the time so I needed my left foot for the clutch.  Thankfully I didn’t have that far of a drive but it did make it worse.

The next morning I woke up and called the doctor immediately.  When I saw her, she told me that it looks like I tore my meniscus, not severely but enough to cause the rest of the cartilage in my knee to inflame.  She sent me for an x-ray because insurance companies need to see an x-ray first that I ended up paying the full amount for and never even got the results because they got “lost.”  Well sine I already hate dealing with doctors and offices I decided the anti-inflammatory medication would be fine and I would just deal with the pain.  Well it’s 2013 and I’m still in pain.  My knee gives out all the time, it gets swollen, and hurts a lot.  

Well not only did this happen but a year ago as soon as I got my new car I got into a car accident.  The police officer said it was technically my fault even though you could clearly tell I swerved to avoid the woman.  I live around very windy roads that have blind spots everywhere.  I was coming around a turn and boom there was a lady stopped right in the road for no reason, I swerved to avoid her but just clipped her passenger rear while completely totaling the whole driver’s side of my car.  The door wouldn’t open, the hood was destroyed and everything was damaged.  Needless to say thanks to this my seatbelt never locked and the steering wheel ended up catching me.  When this happened I jerked my back and got whiplash.  The doctor said I was going to definitely need physical therapy for my back.

Easy for doctors to say I need physical therapy.  I haven’t gotten it because of my terrible insurance.  I was actually terrified that they wouldn’t even cover my visit to my neurologist and the EEG back during the winter.  Now that I have good insurance I’ve decided to at least try physical therapy.  We will see how it goes and hopefully I’ll be able to live a little more comfortably soon.

Cystic Fibrosis

I know a few posts ago I uploaded a link for my one friend who has cystic fibrosis.  I actually know him through my other friend who I've known for the past 10 years and she also has cystic fibrosis.  I saw her yesterday to catch up and I asked her about her CF and how she's been health wise.  The doctors gave her a life expectancy of 35 which is the average.  Her boyfriend who also met up with us didn't like this conversation for obvious reasons but it's actually thanks to him that for the past few years her lung capacity has been over 50% unlike a few years ago when she was in the hospital with a capacity of 35%.  Also, just to put this in perspective, the capacity of a healthy human being is 130%.

I just wanted to share about her because I think about what she has to go through and how she only has about 12 years left (which maybe by then medication will be able to help her more) and how amazing her attitude is.  She has such a positive attitude and acts as if she doesn't eve have CF.  Her boyfriend helps her she tried to go to college but couldn't finish because she got so sick that she was in the hospital for a while.  She can only work part time because she can't over exhaust herself.  Her boyfriend has to give her therapy and hit her back in a few different spots to help her break up the mucus so she can cough it up along with making her take all of her treatments and medications. 

She is such an inspiration to me and I can't believe that the 12 year old girl I met so many years ago has turned into such a fine woman even with cystic fibrosis.  She is such an amazing person and I wish everyone could meet her.  I hope everyone can take something out of this.

People can be so cruel.

I know that yesterday I mentioned that I have other blogs that I post in.  Well this is also something that I will post in my fashion blogs but I feel that this is relevant to other people not just fashion addicts.

I’ve also talked about how I was made fun of growing up, but for some reason I feel like nowadays it’s even worse.  You hear about all of these different stories in the news about kids killing themselves because they couldn’t take it anymore.  A lot of people are saying that the internet has something to do with it and I am going to say I have to agree.  Put a computer in front of someone and they automatically feel like a tough guy on the internet.  I’ve seen lots of cruel posts on social networks and it makes me wonder what is going to happen to the generations to come or even my own?

The reason why I am writing about this is because what someone had told me yesterday.  She is my mentor and friend.  She is Asian and told me how growing up she was made fun of for being Asian.  First of all I think Asian women are drop dead gorgeous, they are so elegant and have you seen how great they age???  Secondly even though I am Caucasian and I easily blend in with the majority of people I was made fun of as well for being Polish. 

My friend had told me about something she saw on a blog the other day.  She follows a makeup blog specifically for Asians because they do their makeup differently than I would and they are limited with what they can do.  She said the author had posted a video from YouTube that has been officially banned about a Caucasian girl talking about how “ugly” Asian girls are and how she doesn’t see any beauty in them and how she just hates them.  Um, what????!!!!

When she told me about this I was outraged.  How can someone say something like that???  What makes it worse is that it was a Caucasian girl so I am ashamed that she has made the rest of us who don’t agree with her look like monsters.  If anyone is ugly it would be her personality and if you don’t have a good personality or heart then even if you might be the prettiest girl appearance wise your heart just made you the ugliest woman alive. 

I am sorry if I sound harsh or if I offend anyone, but the honest truth is everyone is beautiful no matter what color, size, or shape you are.  Thank you for hearing me out on this, I’m sure more people are outraged by this as well.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m meant to live on a different planet or something.

It's the little things.

Well today I woke up to a lovely surprise, that caused a good chain reaction.  I am currently in other blogs for fashion, because that’s my absolute favorite.  Well, the one website that I post on, I was featured in their main page for style.  This was such an exciting moment for me.  On top of that I had a great morning, and I decided today was a good day to dress up even more.  I still have to tone it down because I work in an office so Business Casual is a must but it was still fun.

Once I got to work, everything just went well and maybe it was coincidence or maybe it was the positive chain reaction from this morning.  This is a short post but I just wanted to share with everyone that sometimes it’s the little things in life that can make all the difference.  So maybe that person in your life who you know is having a bad day do something to brighten up, it might help change their whole day around.

New Zealand

I was doing a little bit of browsing on the internet today and came across something interesting.  Three American celebrities were part of an Epilepsy Awareness campaign in New Zealand.  I think this is amazing!  Regardless of it it’s here in the states or overseas somewhere it’s still raising awareness for the same cause that affects all of us in different countries.  Hugh Laurie (Dr. House), Jack Black and Harrison Ford were the three who participated.  

Epilepsy New Zealand has asked for everyone to just talk about Epilepsy and Epilepsy Awareness annually in November.  This is extremely important because it’s showing people who don’t have it what we have to go through.  I feel like a lot of people judge me when I say I have epilepsy.  The first question I always get is “you’re not going to have a seizure now right?”  I know that for an “outsider” this would be a common thing to ask because so many people are afraid or think we are a danger to not only ourselves but society as well.  I can see where people raise this concern but at the same time a pedestrian can be crossing the street and get run over and they can be the healthiest person.  

Technically we are categorized as disabled human beings but I don’t feel as though I am.  Someone once asked me a long time ago “why don’t you collect disability?”  Since I don’t feel disabled, I don’t think that way, plus that would go completely against my morals because I would be taking away money from people who really are disabled, some people are disabled from epilepsy or who aren’t as lucky as I am to live a somewhat normal life, how can someone even think that since it’s free money I should just take it?  It may be “free money” but other people need it more than I do.  Sure there are bills I can’t pay due to my epilepsy or that I have to pay so much for my medication because I CAN’T take generic but I can’t complain.

I can still drive, work, go out, go shopping, eat what I want, and just function in general.  I am one of the lucky ones to have epilepsy and not have it be as bad as some of the cases I read about.  Don’t get me wrong getting to this mentality was definitely NOT easy, a lot of blood sweat and tears went into accepting that this happened to me.  As I have posted in the past, it could be worse and if for some reason my condition gets worse ok I’ll tackle that problem when it comes but for now I can still function, so I don’t have it that bad.

The only thing I worry about is being judging me or bullying me for it.  I’m already an adult but sometimes I worry.  What if my work finds out?  Will they try to find a way to fire me so I don’t become a danger to the office?  Or will they fire me so I don’t use lots of money for health insurance?  What about people my age, will they look at me differently?  Will they stop being my friend if they find out something is wrong with me?  Should I tell certain people I am with frequently so they know what to do if I have an episode?

Those are the questions that are constantly going through my head and I am still battling with the correct answers, but for now I’m just going with the flow.

Read about Cole and his story.

So lately I’ve been feeling a little discouraged, until today.  I haven’t really gotten much traffic through my blog and I just want to be able to reach out to some people.

Today I decided why don’t I look at some other epilepsy blogs and see what other people are writing about because I feel as though I’ve run out of things to talk about, everyone knows who I am, they know about my diagnosis and what has happened since, but what else do they really need to know?

I browsed some blogs today.  I came across one blog that truly brought tears to my eyes.  http://beatingepilepsy.blogspot.com/ I am telling everyone to go read about Cole who has been struggling with seizures since he was a baby and is now going to be a big brother.   

As I was reading Cole’s blog today (his mom writes for him obviously because he’s not old enough) I started thinking “This is exactly what I had mentioned some posts long ago.”  This little boy has been struggling since he was only 10 months old, I’ve only been going through this since I was 17.  Just like I said once before that I don’t have it that bad because at least I got to live an epilepsy free life and remember it.

I can’t even imagine what Cole’s parents have had to go through and how much stress his mom is under especially now that they have another baby on the way.  I know if I were her I would be terrified.  I read that the doctor told her she had to take lots of folic acid just to be cautious.  I already know that if I ever decide or can have children with my condition I will have to take much more folic acid than what I am already taking.  Even though I don’t have a significant other (yet) I still worry about my future.  Will I be able to have kids?  One doctor already told me I can’t but my other doctor said I can but I would have to be monitored and wouldn’t be able to experience a normal pregnancy.  I’m afraid because what happens if I have a seizure while being pregnant, what can happen to the child?  Or what if my baby ends up having epilepsy too?

All of these questions scare me into NOT wanting to ever have children and just adopting when the time is right.  I know I shouldn’t be looking so far ahead but sometimes I do think about it because well I am 25, a few more years and I will want to settle down.

Maybe by the time I want to have my own family there will be something out there that will ease my “what if’s.”

I strongly urge everyone to go read about Cole, it will change your life.

Helping to control my Condition.

I’m not sure how everyone else’s epilepsy is, triggers and such.  Mine is caused by sleep deprivation and stress.  My job is fairly stressful, making sure deadlines are met, and our clients are satisfied, while dealing with any internal changes.   The business world is just like the fashion industry; constantly changing.  Sometimes stress at work can affect stress at home, or in personal life.

A few key things that I do in order to keep my stress levels down are pretty simple.  First of all, when it is lunch time, I leave the building even if it is just to go outside and get some fresh air.  I used to work straight through my lunch but a human being needs a break regardless of if you have a condition or not.  Once I leave the building I try not to think about what’s going on back at the office, whether it’s phone calls or emails that I’m getting.

Secondly, and I feel as though this is the most important way to stay clear of being stressful (besides sleeping well), leave work problems at work, DO NOT bring them home.  Sure it’s ok if you tell someone what happened at work, whether it was good or bad, but most of the time if anything bad happened I’ll leave it at work, unless if it is bothering me extremely bad.  DO NOT DWELL on something that you can’t fix or something that you can’t do anything about until you are back at work.  It’s kind of like when you go to work you leave your problems at home.

Thirdly, I have hobbies.  Yes, I am a stereotypical girl who loves to shop and has a shoe closet that is overflowing, but I also like to do other things.  I have a dog who is like my child, I sew, and I try to hang out with my family, oh and let’s not forget this blog.  I like to have certain hobbies not just to live a less stressful life at work but in general to live a well balanced life (probably why I was born a Libra).  When you have something therapeutic in your life it helps you stay well rounded.  I would like to get into more things that have to do with nature or volunteering but that will come with time.  I am just now starting to get my life completely together and I want to start saving for my very own house. 

Fourthly, set goals for yourself.  Ok, I understand sometimes this can be stressful for people, trust me sometimes it is for me.  Although, it is a good stress, or at least I think so because if something is worth it in the end after working hard that little bit of satisfaction is all you need.  You are working towards something that you want to accomplish.  Of course make your goals obtainable not impossible!  That’s why I made a bucket list of things I want to do.  I’ve already crossed off two things out of about 30!  So that’s an amazing start! 

Number five on this list is spending time with family.  There is nothing more important than family.  I’ve had some struggles in the past few years and my family was the only thing that kept me going.  All of my “friends” (or so I thought) left me and my family helped pick up the pieces.  I can never repay them enough.  I can tell them anything without feeling judged and knowing I will get the honest truth, not a sugarcoated one.  I know they will love me no matter how difficult I may be so I like to spend time with them.

Lastly on my list, I know my life isn’t that bad.  There are people out there in the world who have it way worse, so I really have no reason to complain or be worried about life.  I am blessed with everything that has gone positively in my life in the past half year.  I still think I’m living in a dream, but for now if it really is, I will soak up every second of it.

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the mommies out there whether they are living or an angel today's your day!  Happy Mother's Day, I don't know where I would be without my mom today, she is my rock, my heart, and my role model.  I will never forget everything that she has done for me. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Please help my friend get a lung transplant!

https://www.facebook.com/mabreathe

That is the link to my friends facebook fundraising page for Michael Accetta.

I'm going to copy and paste the about section from that page as it's easier for someone who sees him everyday to be able to explain his situation better:

"Michael Accetta 21 years old. Diagnosed at birth with Cystic Fibrosis. Cystic Fibrosis is an inherited disease That effects the lungs and digestive systems.

Since birth, Michael has faced extreme challenges and adversities fighting his personal battle against Cystic Fibrosis. His fight has become more intrusive to his daily living and activities. Michael takes in excess of 60 pills daily along with various inhaled medications and his lung clearance treatments 3x daily. IV antibiotic therapy has become more frequent and the duration of this treatment lasts for weeks with round the clock infusions. Hospitalizations and outpatient visits to the hospital are constant. On a normal month Michaels medicines are in excess of 22,000.00
This has never stopped him to push himself to enjoy life and accomplish his life goals. He never wants to stop!!

Michaels lung function is quickly declining and putting him in transplant status....thus the need to raise funds, No one knows the exact timing of this, but they have advised the family to start the fundraising process."

Please if you can help I'm pretty sure he and every one who surrounds him would greatly appreciate it!!!!!!

What I come from

I wanted to take this time to tell everyone a little bit about myself.  I’ve told people stories about my epilepsy, what type I have, how normal my life has been but no one really knows much about me or my background.  I think it’s important to know just so everyone can understand why I can deal with my epilepsy.

First of all my parents are immigrants, both come from Poland and came here when they were in their late 20’s.  They came from a country which at the time was under communistic rule from Russia and they really didn’t have a good life, nor did their futures seem any better.  They left Poland determined to make a life for themselves and future family.  Even though I wasn’t even a twinkle in the eye yet, they knew they would someday have a family.

Well they finally had their dream, a house, jobs (even though they were very hard), and a baby on the way which was myself.  My mom worked in a factory and literally worked there until her doctor forced her to go on maternity leave and my dad worked more than one job just to put food on the table.  He was also going to a county college because the education he had received in Poland was not worth anything here in America.  He worked at one full time job, a part time job pumping gas, and went to school on the nights he had off.

When my mom finally went into labor with me there were complications.  Not only was I premature (only by one month), but I was coming out feet first and the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck causing me to almost choke myself.  Needless to say I was born and they found that even though they wanted to monitor me because I was premature most of my organs were in normal condition and I had an innocent heart murmur.

I had lots of health problems as a child, nothing too serious but I was severely anemic, I had severe eczema (try telling a little kid they can’t take bubble baths anymore), I was constantly getting sick and after my brother was born (who was colicky) I was rushed to the ER.  At the age of 6 I was rushed to the hospital because I was turning blue.  I was having an asthma attack and later found out I had pneumonia.  I was stuck in that lovely hospital bed during Christmas time for almost 2 weeks. 

After I was released from the hospital they put me on heavy medication, lots of nebulizer treatments I had to do 3 times a day, and that was time consuming.  Well from all of the medication the steroids and the antibiotics I had such bad night terrors that I started waking up in the middle of the night and I started hallucinating.  We went back to the doctor and they had to figure out what to do to get me better but not at the cost of me hallucinating.  Eventually it was resolved and life went back to normal.  Well I grew up and had to watch myself because of my asthma, eczema which eventually faded into only a few patches here and there and everything was normal.

I went through a lot of hospital visits growing up and doctors visits, but it wasn’t too bad after everything settled down.  Once I started growing up and going to school I was bullied.  My classmates were very cruel towards me, making fun of me every day from the day I moved to where I live now.  I was made fun of for being Polish, having a gap in between my two front teeth which now I laugh about because I probably did look pretty funny, but there were so many other things.  Just the little things that kids make fun of you for, your hair, your clothes, etc.  I most of the time just kept my mouth shut and took it all in.  Don’t get me wrong I cried like a little baby but I did it when no one was looking.  I didn’t want my parents being worried and they only knew about a few things that were said to me but not everything, I actually told them everything that was said and done to me in the past year.  The topic about bullying has become a trending topic so I finally opened up and told my parents what I had to go through.  They knew I was never part of the popular crowd and that I didn’t ever fit in completely but they didn’t know it was that bad.

I think I never fit in because my parents are Polish and I come from a Polish upbringing and culture so I was always different from all the other kids.

Once high school came it was not as bad as it used to be.  The teasing and bullying calmed down, but I started to become really self conscious and fell into an eating disorder.  I was almost 50 pounds less than what I am right now and I’m 5’9 so for me to be the size I was, was really bad.  I look back on it now and I was literally just skin and bones, at least now I have a figure.  Anyway I had the eating disorder until mid junior year.  That’s when I started kickboxing and soccer.  All the years before I was a ballerina but stopped that once school started.  I started kickboxing and soccer because I needed something to help me stay in shape.  Once I started these sports since they are very intense my body went into what I like to call shut down mode.

I became so tired that I could even stay awake for five minutes after a full nights rest.  Then I actually started to become hungry, I had not felt that in two years so it was a strange feeling.  Anyway to make this long story short I started eating right again.  Then I was diagnosed with epilepsy about 1 ½ years later.  So the stress started all over again, and the rest is history.

I come from an extremely great home, my parents are amazing and my brother grew up into a very remarkable young man.  I would say we did really well in our lives.  Even after all of these things that have happened in my life I still try to look on the bright side of things.  I used to be bitter but I’m not anymore, there is no point to be bitter.  It’s taken me quite some time to feel like this about life.  In closing I would like to say that there is hope and there is always someone willing to talk to you regardless of if it’s someone close to you or someone who is a complete stranger.  Be prepared for people to judge you no matter what but the people who won’t judge you and who will just listen are the ones that will give you the best advice.

More than one doctor's opinon...

This post is going to be a general going back to the basics post.  It’s about getting a second and third opinion.  These are so important at least in my opinion.  Even though all 3 of my doctors diagnosed me with the same exact thing and prescribed the same medication (well the one doctor wanted to switch it) I’m glad I went for more than one opinion.

As I’ve mentioned before about my horror story with Dr No. 1 I’m glad I went to two others.  The reason being is not only did I get another opinion just to make sure I found a doctor that I was comfortable with and one that gave me hope.  The first doctor had me take EEG’s then had be take the 48 hour EEG in the hospital and that was ok, didn’t have a problem with it up until he gave me my diagnosis and the way he acted.  He scared my parents half to death and scared me as well.  The worst doctor I’ve ever met.  The second doctor I went to was the doctor in Columbia Presbyterian in NYC.  He was so understanding and even though he gave me the same diagnosis his approach was so much better.  He became my favorite neurologist.  He sat my parents down with me and went over everything and convinced us that I can still live a normal life I just have to take precautions.

The third doctor I only went to because going into NYC and having to take a full day off from work was becoming too much.  He was a local neurologist at the local hospital and he was ok but I didn’t like that he wanted to completely switch my medication after I’ve been doing so well for so long.  I told him I didn’t want to and that I would not switch because it was stronger and more side effects.  If I can take a medication with less side effects and a smaller dosage and be fine then I don’t see why I have to switch.  My theory is he just wanted more money for the fact that he prescribed a more expensive drug.

I eventually went back to Doctor #2 because the third one’s office staff was horrendous.  I don’t understand why people are so terrible.  You work for a neurologist, you have people coming in who are absolutely terrified and you’re going to act like a high school employee working at the local super market who doesn’t care about customer service?  The behavior there was unacceptable.  Even though the doctor in NYC is so far and I have to take a day off plus the scheduling and getting a hold of the office/doctor is a chore I still prefer to go to him.  Everything is all in one spot so if he needs blood work I walk down the hall or if he needs an EEG I go to a different floor.  I like his approach with how he treats his patients.  I only have to do this once or twice a year so I figure it’s worth it.

In my opinion find the perfect doctor because when you have a condition like epilepsy or any other condition in general you need to feel comfortable with the person who is treating you.  You have to feel as though you are being treated well because if you have a positive doctor who can even make the worst diagnosis not so bad keep that doctor around.  You don’t want a doctor who is going to scare you and stress you out even more because there are ways to go about giving someone bad news.  Of course no one wants a lie because when it’s something serious they want the truth but a few positive words can change everything.

Wo shi huan!

That right there is Mandarin, it means “I like.”  I’ve been trying to learn it at work because I work for an Asian company and I want to learn the language.  I’ve been trying my hardest and so far, so good.  I really like working with people from a different culture because it makes life so much more interesting.  I’m American by birth but Polish by background, so I’m already part of two cultures and now I’m learning a third.  The Asian culture is very interesting.  I actually received gifts from four different coworkers this week.  I received a jade bracelet from my supervisor, a jade Buddha, female Buddha, and rabbit (I’m year of the rabbit) from the girl whose cubicle is next to mine, a necklace from my mentor aka my go to person, and a candle from the girl who works in the same area as me but with different products.

It’s so nice to receive gifts.  I’ve never gotten a gift just because so I was shocked.  Plus it’s just the fact that they thought about me.  

See, there are decent people in the world still.  I like to tell my stories about my daily activities because I want to teach people with epilepsy that it is ok to be different and if you use it in a positive way you can achieve so much more.  Plus, I do a lot to keep my mind off things and even if it takes learning a new language.  It gives me something to stay motivated for and it gives me discipline.  I highly recommend doing something different (and safe of course)!

Am I always this happy?

The answer to the question in the title of this blog is no, I am not always this happy.  I say that because this blog is all about sharing my story and showing people how happy you can be and how normal you can be, but it is also ok to be sad and upset or even angry.  Obviously not all the time, but sometimes you need to let out your emotions. 

Sometimes it really is ok to cry.  It's better to let it all out then keep it bottled in which is what I used to do and that always ended badly because I would blow up on the wrong person or during the wrong situation.  I still sometimes get down on myself whether it be the "normal people" problems or problems associated with my epilepsy.  Sometimes it does really get frustrating because I can't do the things normal people do.  I can't stay up until 7 am in the morning and be completely ok to go about my day, no I have to make sure I have enough sleep and my medication is taken on time.  Living with epilepsy is twice the battle because you deal with your every day problems and your epileptic problems. 

Even though all of this does get me upset sometimes and I'm not always 100% myself I push through it.  I have to, being happy with this condition is half the battle.  Actually living with it is the other half.  I know this happened for a reason and I'm embracing it.  I think it actually might have saved my life.  I'm still learning how to go about my days but it's working out for me!

The Aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

So I went down the shore today.  Oh by the way apparently only NJ people say down the shore, not sure why that is but it's our own little "thing."  I haven't really talked about my location much but I live in New Jersey.  No I am NOT like the Jersey Housewives or the Jersey Shore cast, actually NJ really isn't like that, at least all of NJ.  I wanted to show my readers the pictures from the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy because the severity of an event like this just makes me realize how fortunate I am.  Don't get me wrong Hurricane Sandy affected me too, we lost 4 of our largest pine trees and one actually fell on my brand new car and we didn't have heat or power for 2 weeks but we managed.  I know my community was really bad after Sandy hit but to see the Jersey shore look this way made me want to cry.  The shore is what I went to every summer with friends and what I always looked forward to.  That little piece of serenity is now gone.  I will forever remember the shore as my place to escape and my mini vacation and I am proud to be from an area that recovered so quickly and from a state that helped every bit that they could.  RESTORE THE SHORE, JERSEY STRONG!!  I honestly started to hate NJ because of all those stupid reality shows that gave us such a bad reputation but I love the shore and I love NJ, God bless the Jersey shore.

We are almost there Jersey! :) Jersey strong.

I wanted to share something.

From today's lovely adventure in the woods helping to clean up I wanted to add two beautiful pictures of nature at it's finest.  Then I'll show exactly what I helped clean up.  I have no idea why people have to dump their garbage everywhere, especially the garbage I found.

And then this is what I helped clean up...

At the end of this clean up we found 30 TIRES!!!  How can people do this?

The way I see it there are the bad people who dump all of this and the good people who clean it up.  I'm proud of what was accomplished today and that thank you from the people who actually reside in that town after was the best compensation I could have gotten.

Saving the world one action at a time.

I always said that I wanted to give back to the world.  There are so many different ways to do good for people.  I hope that this blog is somewhat helping even if it’s one person.  I say this because tomorrow I am doing my first volunteer work on my own.  What I mean is, it’s not required to graduate from high school or college or it’s not an after school club to get some brownie points.  I’m simply doing it because I want to.

If this would have been a few years ago I would say why would you dedicate time that you can have to yourself to cleaning up someone else’s mess or doing anything else without getting paid for it.  Regardless of what the volunteer work is and even though you don’t get compensated with money you get compensated other ways.  You feel good that you did something selfless for someone else and in the process you helped someone else.  Also it’s a small world, who knows what will happen when you volunteer.  You will meet new friends, or what I’m hoping for is to meet someone I can help.

If I could I would help everyone in the world but I have to start one thing at a time.  I wish that I could volunteer more with anything having to do with epilepsy awareness but I hope this blog will be a good start, at least for now.

I’m very excited to volunteer.  I’ll be cleaning up a river and a park so as long as I don’t see too many snakes I will be fine.

To any one reading this, if you are feeling upset about your epilepsy and even if you are mad at the world, maybe doing something good is the best thing you can do to get your mind off it.  Try to fill your life with positive energy, it helps with your emotions.

I made a bucket list a few months back because I was feeling very down and saving the world (I know very unreasonable) was one of the things to check off along with talking about my epilepsy so since I’ve already done one I guess I can start a check mark for the other.  I purposely made unreasonable goals because MAYBE just maybe there is a way to achieve that goal somehow.  Set goals for yourself, it helps you focus on something else in your life other than your epilepsy and how much your life has changed.

A letter to my parents

I wanted to take the time to write this post as a letter to any parents of epileptic children reading this.  This is a letter that I would have written to my parents when I was/am going through being diagnosed, hospital visits, and losing control of my own body.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know the past almost 8 years have been a pretty bumpy and good ride.  It has already been 8 years since my first official episode and almost 8 years since I’ve been diagnosed.  To think it’s already been that long.  I know that even though I’m 25 (almost 26 wow time flies), you still worry every day about me in general as well as my epilepsy.  You don’t have to worry so much even though you feel it’s your job to as a parent. 

I know that when I had my first episode you weren’t too alarmed except for the fact that I could have severely injured myself on that bathroom floor, because you thought I had just simply fainted.  It wasn’t until the second time that both of you were concerned.  I know that when I was diagnosed your world completely stopped at a standstill and you didn’t know what to do next.  I know you tried to hide it very well but I still know these things, I can tell when something’s not right with you two.  Don’t worry you weren’t the only ones.  When I heard the word diagnosis I was worried and then when it was attached to epilepsy my world stopped and I thought it was over.

Even though I thought my world was over, I knew I couldn’t show it and I had to be strong not only for myself but you two as well.  When the doctor started scaring you guys I tried to ignore it and I tried to act as normal as possible so the both of you could take a deep breath.

Since I told myself I had to be strong I actually taught myself that I can still go on with my life, it wasn’t until dad asked me “do you want to hold off on going to school this semester?” that I realized this was more serious than what I really imagined.  Sure I was upset, stressed, and in shock that I couldn’t be a normal 17 year old and I couldn’t drive but I tried my hardest to be normal in front of you two.  Even though I tried so hard once I was asked that question it all hit me a second time, all of those emotions started coming back.  The questions of will I ever be normal started to come back and what did I do so wrong in life to deserve this was the next question that haunted me.

I decided to continue with school because I knew the both of you had put so much effort into comforting me and trying to tell me I will live a normal life even if you were trying to convince yourself of the same.  I’m glad I had the both of you as a support system because I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t have the both of you.  Sure we’ve had our differences and many fights that we’ve gotten into the past 8 years have resulted in something about my epilepsy, from both myself and the both of you, but  I still appreciate everything you have done for me and every form of support you have given me through all of this.  I love you both and one day I wish I can repay you somehow for what you’ve done for me.

Love always,

Your Daughter

P.S.  Stop worrying so much about me I’m fine!

Having a peace of mind

Please forgive me for lately not talking about my epilepsy.  I just want to talk about how other things in life have helped me out.  In my opinion my epilepsy medication can only do so much.  It will help control my seizures/episodes/twitches/jerks, but does it help my peace of mind or me in general?  I mean maybe anti depressants can help but the way I see it I don’t want to be taking more medication than I already am.  That’s why I do yoga as I posted in a previous post.  It’s also a reason why I still go out and have fun with friends even though I’m limited to how long I can stay out and how much sleep I have to get. 

When I moved to Texas I bought my dog Lilly Savannah, Lilly for short, as I’ve mentioned before.  Not only did she save my life more than once but she saved my peace of mind.  When I was in Texas I was homesick but I was also afraid of being an epileptic living on my own in an area where I don’t know anyone and no one knows me, so what would happen if I had a seizure?  I rescued Lilly because we just had a connection (I know really corny) when I saw her at the shelter.  She was one of the last kennels and I originally wanted nothing to do with a female dog because I’ve only ever had male dogs and I heard how protective females were and I wasn’t sure if a protective female rescue dog was a good idea.

Needless to say when I saw her I fell for those puppy eyes and I brought her home.  She had a million ticks crawling all over her so I removed 8 ticks and took her to the vet the very next day for a checkup.  I wanted to make sure the animal I just fell in love with was going to be ok for a while.  Having Lilly those first few weeks and going back and forth to the shelter and vet and the town to get her license kept my mind off of a lot.  I felt like I had a furry child.  She helped me stay awake for the whole ride back home once I decided to move back.

Ever since I got that little puggle (pug/beagle mix) my life has changed.  I’m more responsible and I enjoy life more.  When I come home from work and I see her all excited it makes my day so much brighter.  I want to train her to be one of those dogs that helps epileptics because they say they can sense when you’re about to have an episode.  I haven’t had one with her yet but I did pass out in the bathtub with the water running and she was there and got help for me so I already trust her enough with my life.  She also saved me from someone trying to break into my apartment so I think she’s a pretty trustworthy dog.

My dog changed my life and has brought so much joy to it.  She literally walked into my life at the right time.  I always say timing is everything and in this case it definitely was good timing.  I’m not saying that everyone should go out and buy a dog or adopt a rescue but find something that truly makes you happy.  Some people sing, others paint and that makes their day that much better.  Some people even shop or work out to make them happy.  It’s all up to the person.  Always make sure that whatever you are trying will not jeopardize your health in any way or cause you to seizure.  Try to smile at least once a day and maybe that’s all you need to stay happy.

To everyone in Boston...

I have my brother (who lives in Boston) and the rest of Boston, victims, and people impacted by this tragedy in my prayers.

Also R.I.P. Officer Sean Collier.  You and your family are in my prayers, and I thank you for all that you did in Boston. 

At one point today, please everyone take a moment of silence for Officer Collier and the rest of the victims of this horrible ongoing attack.

Yoga and how it can help

Ever think that maybe if our brains are out of whack we should just take a deep breath and relax?  That is why I started yoga.  I used to do ballerina as a child and it helped with another health condition that I have; asthma.  The doctor told my parents that if I can work on my posture and I get regular exercise it would open up my lungs and it’s something I can enjoy.  Well needless to say I became a ballerina up until sophomore year of high school and I even did pointe the last few years I danced.  The doctor was right, it did help my asthma calm down.  I went from having to use the nebulizer twice a day and have my inhaler ready every time I went to gym class, went out to recess, or if there was too much dust in the air, to only having sports induced asthma that is not as serious as it was back when I was 6 years old.  Now when I go running I just have to take one puff before I run and I’m fine. 

With all of that being said, my neurologist had mentioned that maybe instead of constantly being worried that I was going to have a seizure maybe I should just calm down and relax, start with meditation.  I didn’t listen up until I accidentally had to take a yoga class.  I needed an elective in college and decided I’d take the yoga class.  It changed my whole perspective and the doctor was right.  It was my hour of me time where I was in a bubble and nothing else mattered.  The meditation the instructor taught us actually helps me go to sleep nowadays if I can’t because I have too much on my mind.  I kept up with doing yoga at home whenever I could and I actually ended up taking the class again two semesters later.  Again I tried to keep up with it after but I didn’t start up again until I found out my job offers it to us.  I love yoga and everything about it because it’s where I can free my mind and just let go of everything in the world.  When I’m in that class nothing exists, my problems don’t exist, and most importantly my epilepsy magically disappears for an hour.

I started to read up on yoga and where it originated.  From my findings it started in India and they found a relic that has an engraving of a position that is commonly used in yoga, the typical position where you sit and say uuummmm.  Then it moved on to the Buddhists.  I like that we have adapted yoga into all different cultures and I will say I’m glad they invented it to begin with because it helps a lot.

P.S. PLEASE KEEP MY BROTHER AND OTHERS IN BOSTON IN YOUR PRAYERS, AND THE PEOPLE IMPACTED BY THIS!!

My 1,664 mile journey to a new life.

I wanted to talk about the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done in my life; packing up 24 years of my life and moving to Texas.  It was the first time I lived on my own and it was 1,664 miles away from the home where I grew up.  I always had this feeling about Texas.  I never knew what it was because I was never into the whole “country thing” or being around a million farms, which is not the case in all of Texas.  I met some friends that were living in Texas and after a few years of keeping in contact and them visiting me I decided I’m going to take the opportunity to go to Texas.  I went for vacation for a little bit to find a job and see if I really did enjoy Texas.  Well within a week I had found a job, nothing special but it was my ticket to Texas.  I thought to myself, you know what, I don’t have a great paying job, I may never have this opportunity again, why not!

The friends that allowed me to stay with them said they would come help me move within the next week and drive with me along with let me stay at their house until I got on my feet.

Well, the bad news was the day before they were supposed to get on the plane to come help me move they completely backed out.  They weren’t coming to help me and they pretty much said “you’re on your own kid.”

After that phone call my whole world came crumbling down because I already put my two weeks in at my job and they already hired a replacement, I have a job in Texas, I really want to go, what if I don’t make it, what if I don’t go and regret it????  My dad looked at me and said that if I really wanted to go he would help me find an apartment last minute and if I don’t like it I can always come back home.  We found an apartment and my mom was so nervous about my drive down to Texas, well I had two driving buddies so I was ok.

I drove through Pennsylvania which is one of the worst states to drive through and after driving across PA, my friend and I switched.  Once we made it into Ohio we hit such bad traffic, and I was sleeping in the back next to all of my stuff and I could barely move but I used all my clothes as a pillow.

After Ohio we stopped in Kentucky and we bought KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken), figures right? After Kentucky we drove straight through Tennessee into Arkansas. 

Once we hit Texas I was asleep but my friend woke me up and told me to drive home!  Let me tell you how long of a drive that was, I was driving for 6 hours and STILL didn’t reach my destination.

I tried to make it in Texas, skyped with my friends and family almost every night.  I talked to my mom every day because she wanted to make sure I was ok with my epilepsy and no twitches or jerks.  Everything was fine except I was feeling extremely homesick. 

About a few weeks later my brother came up with a brilliant idea because he knew how much I missed home.  He mentioned to get a dog because animals always help.  My brother even decided to do research and found an animal shelter right around the corner from my apartment and he even called to find out hours of operation, what you need to become an adopting owner, and what kind of dogs they had.  When I went I decided to get a cute little puggle (half pug, half beagle) and ever since that day she has become my world.  She brightens up my day and I honestly don’t know where I would be without her today.  She has made me a more caring, nurturing, understanding, and responsible person.

Even though I had a dog and I was living the life in nice weather, with a job, and being on my own and FINALLY in Texas I was still home sick.  I was also getting worried about my epilepsy, what happens if I have a seizure?

I spoke to my parents and even though there were many reasons why I came back home one reason was my epilepsy.  My parents and myself felt better and more at ease if I came back home.

After our final decision I was trying to find someone who would fly down to Texas and help me back home.  One of my friends was all for it and the same thing happened again (with a different friend) the day before their plane was ready to come to Texas they backed out and tried to make excuses about why they couldn’t come.  My parents had paid for their wasted ticket and now I had no one coming to take me home.

I called my dad and told him the news.  He couldn’t believe that this had happened not once but TWICE.  Of course he was mad but he quickly realized, he has to answer the question of now what?  I had already quit my job, asked the landlord if they could terminate my lease early, and I was already packed and ready to start packing up my car. 

I told my dad I could make the drive by myself, I think when I said this his jaw might have dropped.  Him and my mom asked me a million times if I was sure because they could somehow get my dad to Texas.  My parents and I came up with a plan and how much driving I would do a day along with where I would stop and making sure the hotels were pet friendly.  Now I was starting to go into survival mode as corny as that sounds. 

After 3  days and a stop in Little Rock Arkansas, and the border of Kentucky and Ohio I was finally home.  It was very difficult driving back with my dog because she was still a nervous little girl thinking she’s going back to the shelter so she jumped out of the window at a rest stop then jumped out of the sun roof while I was pumping my own gas and was just all around a pain.  Even though she was a pain, she was what kept me going, and I turned into a mom and knew I had to keep her and myself safe. 

After a few months of living on my own 1664 miles away from home I realized a lot and I experienced a totally different life.  I also realized something extremely important that the friends I had were never really my friends.  When I came home I broke all contact with the people who left my side and realized nothing is more important than family and I reconnected with my parents and little brother.  I was happy I went even though I came home because if I didn’t’ I would have been thinking “what if?” I realized that my epilepsy does tie me down but to an extent.  I think I could have made it in Texas, it was just wrong timing for me, and I think I went for the wrong reasons.  I am learning that now and I think one day I’ll be living in the lonestar state but for now I will just visit.  Y’all come back now ya hear?!