A letter to my parents

I wanted to take the time to write this post as a letter to any parents of epileptic children reading this.  This is a letter that I would have written to my parents when I was/am going through being diagnosed, hospital visits, and losing control of my own body.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know the past almost 8 years have been a pretty bumpy and good ride.  It has already been 8 years since my first official episode and almost 8 years since I’ve been diagnosed.  To think it’s already been that long.  I know that even though I’m 25 (almost 26 wow time flies), you still worry every day about me in general as well as my epilepsy.  You don’t have to worry so much even though you feel it’s your job to as a parent. 

I know that when I had my first episode you weren’t too alarmed except for the fact that I could have severely injured myself on that bathroom floor, because you thought I had just simply fainted.  It wasn’t until the second time that both of you were concerned.  I know that when I was diagnosed your world completely stopped at a standstill and you didn’t know what to do next.  I know you tried to hide it very well but I still know these things, I can tell when something’s not right with you two.  Don’t worry you weren’t the only ones.  When I heard the word diagnosis I was worried and then when it was attached to epilepsy my world stopped and I thought it was over.

Even though I thought my world was over, I knew I couldn’t show it and I had to be strong not only for myself but you two as well.  When the doctor started scaring you guys I tried to ignore it and I tried to act as normal as possible so the both of you could take a deep breath.

Since I told myself I had to be strong I actually taught myself that I can still go on with my life, it wasn’t until dad asked me “do you want to hold off on going to school this semester?” that I realized this was more serious than what I really imagined.  Sure I was upset, stressed, and in shock that I couldn’t be a normal 17 year old and I couldn’t drive but I tried my hardest to be normal in front of you two.  Even though I tried so hard once I was asked that question it all hit me a second time, all of those emotions started coming back.  The questions of will I ever be normal started to come back and what did I do so wrong in life to deserve this was the next question that haunted me.

I decided to continue with school because I knew the both of you had put so much effort into comforting me and trying to tell me I will live a normal life even if you were trying to convince yourself of the same.  I’m glad I had the both of you as a support system because I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t have the both of you.  Sure we’ve had our differences and many fights that we’ve gotten into the past 8 years have resulted in something about my epilepsy, from both myself and the both of you, but  I still appreciate everything you have done for me and every form of support you have given me through all of this.  I love you both and one day I wish I can repay you somehow for what you’ve done for me.

Love always,

Your Daughter

P.S.  Stop worrying so much about me I’m fine!